Forgotten Revelations
by Funivia
Summary: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Voldemort, and...lightsabers? Almost death? Bloodflavoured wine? Experience more bickering and fun in this sequel to revelations.


___________________Forgotten Revelations  
  
A/N: Okay, here's the second one in the short humor stories. Your reviews (good ones)= more stories, so PLEASE write and bear with me. Thanks :D  
  
"Detention," Harry muttered unhappily. "Great. Just great. What will Hermione say?"  
  
"Nothing, most probably," said Draco Malfoy. "She'd probably resort to facial expressions."  
  
Harry Potter turned around quickly, his eyes glaring viciously.  
  
"You?" he spat out, his voice ridden of contempt. "What are YOU doing here, Malfoy?" the last was said with a sneer.   
  
"Ever heard of the word detention, Potter?"  
  
"Not recently."  
  
"Scoff to that."  
  
"Scoff to what?"  
  
"It's an expression."  
  
"Never heard of it."  
  
"Obviously," Draco replied casually, taking out a nail file and grating. "After all you're hardly an aristocrat…. peasant."  
  
"Ay, boys," said an old voice, that of Mr. Argus Filch. "Ready for your punishment? You've committed a crime and now must pay the price. I just wish I could make you see the true value of yours wrongs." He rubbed his hands together with a grin.   
  
"Oh, NO! PLEASE, HAVE MERCY! PLEASE!" Harry dropped to his knees, shaking tremulously.   
  
"Get off me, filth!" spat Filch.  
  
Harry got back up and bowed his head, perhaps in shame.   
  
"You know," Draco said with a lazy smile. "I always thought the name Argus sounded like something out of one of those murder mysteries. Usually the Butler."  
  
"It wasn't the Butler," Filch said quickly.  
  
"Never the butler," Harry agreed.  
  
"It's off into the Hidden Forest you go, place ridden of beasts and wilderness. If you come out alive, the tale might be interesting to tell…if you live, yes, if you live. Your task is dangerous. Should it not be done properly, the headmaster will be most displeased." He sneered and gave an evil chuckle, "MUWHAHAHA! Now, off to the forest! This slip of paper tells your doom." And with that, he strolled off.   
  
Harry's hands jerked and trembled as he held the note. "I can't hold it much longer," he said through gritted teeth, his eyes tearing.   
  
Draco grabbed the note and read out loud. "You are to chop a Christmas tree. Then bring it to school." He stared blankly for a minute. "What kind of joke is this, Potter?"  
  
"No joke," Harry wept, falling to the ground and hitting it with a clenched fist. "No joke, no joke."  
  
"Ah…you okay there?" Draco asked tentatively.  
  
"No joke, no joke," Harry continued to moan.   
  
"I'm no psychiatrist, Potter, but I know a deranged young boy when I see one. Now, tell me what's the problem," Draco demanded, crouching next to Harry.  
  
"It's…it's…an experience I had at the Dursley's. They'd always buy a big Christmas tree. Uncle Vernon would always say, 'the bigger, the more manly!'. So we'd all go off, I'd ride in the trunk, of course. And every year we had that tree…sitting there… anyway, ah, well. Nothing ever happened. That's what scared me forever, scarred me for life. Nothing ever happened. Isn't something supposed to happen with Christmas trees?" Harry was screaming wildly at this point, and he was covering his ears from his own gasps.   
  
"Wow," Draco commented. "You're more insane than I thought, Potter. Have they locked you up yet?"  
  
"Locked me up? A mental institution? A muggle place?"  
  
"Oh, that's right. Your aunt and uncle would lock you up in a cupboard. You broke out of the nut house, Potter," Draco sneered. "Good for you."  
  
A few minutes later, they were amicably walking down the path in the forest. Draco hummed Carmen as they strolled. However, his humming soon turned into singing.  
  
"Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" he sang out a long note, and puffed his chest forward while doing so.  
  
"Never knew you sang opera, Malfoy," Harry said snidely. "Yay, yippee, more blackmail for me."  
  
"Nay, hurray, my life must then be drastically affray," Draco countered and rolled his eyes.   
  
"Oy!" Harry shouted, rushing forward. "It's a tree!"  
  
"Oh my god, call the IRS. Someone should bare witness to this auspicious moment in history," Draco said wryly.  
  
"Yes, yes! They need to know! The world needs to know!" Harry's eyes were glued happily to the thing that most would call an ugly and ordinary tree.  
  
"Now, Potter, we're in something called a forest. Oddly enough, there ought to be hundreds of trees here. We're looking for a CHRISTMAS tree, yes? Then let's find a REAL one," he said sadly, and tugged Harry away, who was still marveling at the 'tree'.   
  
"Are you a butler?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion as they continued down the path.  
  
"A butler? My, I wonder how sane your parents must have been, Potter. Obviously I'm too young to have a job, but I would never be a servant." He said this last word as a hiss. "Life, Potter, is better than that. Much better."  
  
"For some of us," Harry agreed.  
  
A few minutes later…  
  
"A few words of wisdom, Potter," Draco began. "Life is dollars and sense."  
  
"Dollars and cents?"  
  
"That's right. Dollars to bring you rights and sense to use those rights rightfully."  
  
"But cents is money," Harry looked bewildered.  
  
"Not cents, you moron, sense!" Draco screeched.   
  
Harry just sneered something that sounded like "eeeweahahwa" and continued about his strolling.  
  
In the middle of a clearing was a tree log, a tree stump that was cut flat, a bottle of wine chilling in midair and two glasses.  
  
"It's a sign!" Harry screamed in delight, running over Draco (who was none too pleased) to get to the log. "A sign from above!"  
  
"My Gucci shoes!" Draco moaned, checking over his Armani clothes and Prada accessories.  
  
"It's a sign, a sign, a sign," Harry chanted as he sat.  
  
"A sign," Draco drawled as he sat across from him. "Right. More like poison, probably."  
  
"Poison?"  
  
"You know, this stuff that kills people?"  
  
"Oh, that."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But no one wants me dead!" Harry shouted back.  
  
"Oh, of course not, besides an evil psychopath and a few dozen Death Eaters," Draco responded with his lips curved.  
  
"Oh, I forgot about that," Harry admitted as he served the wine.  
  
"A toast," he said. "To clowns."  
  
"To clowns?"  
  
"Would you prefer seals?"  
  
"Darn seals again. Why clowns?"  
  
"Because I was afraid of Christmas trees because they did nothing. People are afraid of clowns because they do something."  
  
"Well, that's fitting and perfectly logical," Draco said as the glasses clinked.   
  
"Cheers."  
  
"Salute."  
  
"Gracious."  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"This isn't wine, it's…it's…something else!"  
  
"Poison?"  
  
"No, tastes like blood, urgh."  
  
"Oh, whoops. Wrong bottle." Harry smiled serenely, picked another bottle, and poured another glass. "Better now?"  
  
"Much," Draco replied. "Thanks."   
  
"So," Harry began conversationally as he lounged on his side of the log. "I've always wanted to ask. Where'd you find Crabbe and Goyle?'  
  
"No comment," Draco muttered.  
  
"Oh! I always knew it was some deep, dark secret! What'd you do, save their lives so they would be eternally grateful? Or maybe they've been sworn to protect Malfoys for generations and you just keep on using them as goons. Or maybe you taught Goyle how to read and-"  
  
"Stop," Draco seethed. "Stop. It's none of your business."  
  
"Of course it's my business to know about henchmen who clobber me constantly!" Harry bellowed cheerfully.  
  
"Potter. If you know what's good for you, stay out of my family business."  
  
"But staying IN is so much fun! I'm king of the world!" shouted Harry happily as he jumped on the tree stump.  
  
"You may think you are," Draco whispered. "But you will never, never surpass MY powers."   
  
And he disappeared in a puff of black smoke.   
  
"Malfoy? Malfoy, where'd you go? Malfoy? Come on, quit playing."  
  
But the forest was quiet, and no one was near.   
  
As Harry continued to walk, he felt as if he was being followed. Several times he would turn around, scream and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!". Despite his attempts to scare away wild beasts, he still felt as if he was being watched. His feet chilled and turned to ice. He trembled.  
  
"Cold feet, have you?" asked a sinister voice. Harry whirled around.  
  
"No," he whispered slowly. "No way…"  
  
"Oh, is it that hard to believe, Harry Potter?" the sinister voice sneered. "After all, I like to think it was…meant to be. Do you believe in destiny?"  
  
"Yes," Harry answered, his gaze never wavering. "Yes, I do."  
  
"Then you must agree that this was meant to be. And that this will now be played out." The body that belonged to the voice stepped forward. And there stood Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Malfoy, you git, stop talking like Voldemort and put down that thing you're holding," Harry said, hopefully in a brave voice.  
  
"Malfoy," the supposed Draco shook its head with silent laughter. "Yes, a petty name for he-who-must-not-be-named. Draco Malfoy long ago ceased to exist. It is I you have known and despised, I who took over this worthless boy years ago."  
  
"Oh my…" Harry said in a quiet voice.  
  
"It was quite interesting to watch you loathe the boy. I acted in ways you would never know to spur your hatred. But how could you know," he wondered in a strained voice. "That it was not a boy you were despising, but your greatest enemy? Your worst fear? Your…father."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
"Yes, Harry Potter. Why do you think I have kept such a close eye on you? One day, you might destroy me. But it is I who will do the inverse first. Get to your feet."  
  
"Oh my god…" Harry whispered.  
  
"WHEN I ORDER MY BLOOD RELATIVES TO DO SOMETHING, THEY DO IT!" Voldemort screeched and forced Harry to rise with his black tipped wand.   
  
"I can't believe I've seen Voldemort in his pj's," Harry sobbed, turning his head side to side.  
  
"Quit fooling, boy. Now, it is time to test your…strength. I would hardly want my only son to die without peril." This short speech was followed by a quick, high laugh. "Here," he commanded, and threw something that looked like a canister towards Harry.  
  
Voldemort raised a canister of his own, and a brilliant red light came out. He held it with both hands, feet apart, and a horrible grin atop his face.  
  
"I wanted a black lightsaber," he commented. "But they were out at the time." And with that, he lunged forward.  
  
Harry ducked, spun, and forced a green light out of his canister. "Green," he muttered. "Figures."   
  
He feinted left, spun to the right, ducked under Voldemort's left, back flipped and twirled, jabbing him elegantly in the foot.   
  
"Cold feet no more!" Harry bellowed.   
  
"Idiot," Voldemort murmured as he touched his foot. He then hit Harry's leg with the red light and it sliced through.   
  
"Arrrrgh," Harry fell to the floor.  
  
Voldemort stood over him. 'Finally," he whispered. "Finally, I can kill you fairly. You're dead, Harry Potter. It will be as if you never lived."  
  
As Voldemort stepped forward to slice Harry's neck, Harry pushed himself forward and put his saber up to Voldemort's. "I will never surrender."  
  
"But you will in death," Voldemort answered and swung to the left.   
  
"HARRY!" Hermione screamed in the distance, rushing forward. She fell over Harry and glared brutally at Voldemort.  
  
"Kill me first, Malfoy," she seethed. "You'll have to get through me first."  
  
"Run, Hermione!" Harry attempted to say. "Just run, get away before it's too late!"  
  
"It was too late the minute my heart was yours," she said softly before indulging in a kiss. They would have continued, but a foot tapped impatiently near them.  
  
"Done yet?" Voldemort asked with a malicious sneer. "I have things to see to, fools. Now, step aside young girl."  
  
"Never!" she screamed, shielding Harry.  
  
"Then you will both die in vain," Voldemort yelled, and lunged forward, the red light spearing right through the young 'fools'.  
  
Hours later, Harry finally awoke in the hospital bed. "I'm alive?" he wondered out loud.  
  
"Indeed you are, Potter!" came a cheerful voice. In the bed next to him sat Draco Malfoy.  
  
"YOU!" Harry bolted upright, his hands clenched into fists. "VOLDEMORT!"  
  
"Easy there, Potter," Draco said with a shrug. "I'm no villain. Do you really mean to say that you believe whatever that goon tells you?"  
  
Harry fell back onto his bed and sighed. "He lied, didn't he?"  
  
"Of course he didn't, it was me all along," Draco sighed. "Hey Potter, did you know the word gullible was taken out of the dictionary?"  
  
"No way!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"Sheesh," Draco muttered. "Fool."  
  
"But then…how am I alive?"  
  
"I saved you, moron. The goon was about to slice and dice you and bushy-hair girl, so I arrived and was able to give him his money's worth." Draco grinned. "Dumbledore helped. Then we brought you here, and as I was badly hurt too, I stayed."  
  
"But then-"  
  
"She's already out, Potter. She's fine."  
  
"Thank goodness," Harry breathed. "Now I can breath again."  
  
"Save it for the soap opera," Draco rolled his eyes.   
  
"I actually considered being in one once," Harry mused. "But they told me I couldn't act."  
  
"That might be because you can't,' Draco muttered. "I don't have time for this useless talk. Good night."  
  
The next day…  
  
Harry walked around the library, looking for a dictionary. As he turned, he bumped into Hermione.  
  
"HERMIONE!" He screamed happily and hugged her.  
  
The dictionary fell to the ground as they embraced.  
  
"I love you," he whispered to her among the thick volumes.  
  
"So do I," she whispered and they kissed. Someone shoved the dictionary. It flipped pages onto the g's.  
  
"Gullible," Harry read out loud as they breathed. "I hope I'm not."  
  
And everyone was safe and sound once more in the wonderful world of Hogwarts.   
  
~The End~ 


End file.
